- Stephen King. 15+ The Simpsons Trivia Questions & Facts Only Real Fans Know. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. In contrast, others jump right into stating what or who they are toasting to. A minister, a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. 37. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. To hell: May the stay there be as fun as the way there. To the new couple: Never sweat the petty things, but always pet the sweaty things. Here is to good luck. 52.) Here's to me! Heres to the land of the shamrock so green, Heres to each lad and his darlin'Colleen, Heres to the ones we love dearest and most. Here's to whores and prostitution, big ole bulls that keep on buckin and pretty little girls that keep on fuckin. A gorilla walks into a bar, orders a Mai Tai, and hands the bartender a $20 bill. May all your ups and downs be between the sheets. May it always be the other guy. Nothing, it just let out a little wine. Heres to those who wish us well, All the rest can go to hell. The past won't mind. Who loves not women, wine, and song, He will be a fool his whole life long. 5.) Drink up! May God protect us, may God turn the hearts of our enemies, and if he cant turn their hearts, turn their ankles so we can tell who they are from the limp. Another year has been added to your life. Cop: Have you been out drinking?Me: Uh yeah, Im 28, Ive been out drinking literally hundreds of times.. May you live to be as old as your jokes." #9. Paddy and Seamus are sitting in a small town bar. In heaven, there is no beer, which is why we drink it here. These jokes for drinking are sure to make your friends laugh. Here's to a man after my own heart. Nothing but the best for our hostess. God in goodness sent us grapes to cheer both great and small. 64.) I drank to your health alone. The test of Gold is Fire The test of Truth is Time The test of Gods love are the heavens above and everything sublime. If you Steal, may you steal a lovers heart. 10. 25.) May we always be grateful for the past, find joy in the present, and remain excited for the future. A good girl and an honest one, a cold pint and another one. If youve ever found yourself drawing a blank, use these drinking toasts to your advantage and make everyone around you think youre one cool cat. Suggested read: Top 5 Halloween Games for Adults. 40.) 10 Funny Drinking Toasts You Probably Haven't Heard. 74.) Wouldnt that be a nice toast to find on a beer bottle? As the bartender hands it to him, the man realizes he needs to go to the bathroom urgently. Another famous toast you can use at your best friends bachelor party. Little fools drink too much, and great foods not at all. Whether you want to say a little more than 'Happy birthday' or you're celebrating an anniversary, bringing up your favorite toast is always appreciated. 5. Strike hands with me. Heres to the nights well never remember with the friends well never forget. How does a man show that he is planning for the future? . Naturally, they have quite a few that are just right for New Year's Eve. If youre nervous about meeting new people, a funny toast can help put everyone at ease. 19. Humorous birthday toasts and funny sayings give us a chance to laugh at the trials and tribulations of maturity. I would rather be with the people in this room than with the finest people I know. To our health: May we all live to be as old as my jokes. May we never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten. Take everything in moderation including moderation. When we were young, we would compare liquor and women. Choose your words wisely. Why do they never serve beer at a math party?Because you cant drink and derive. So fill your glass with anything. 18. I drank to your health in company. Beer doesnt have many vitamins, thats why you have to drink lots of it. PROGRAMAO. Everything for planning your trip or vacation at one place! May neighbors respect you, Trouble neglect you, The angels protect you, And heaven accept you. I raise my head in agreement. A man walks into a bar, then goes to the bathroom. The hope of a childlike heart to you. May we live to learn well and learn to live well. Thank you for reading Funny Drinking Jokes. Heres to the glass we love to sip, It dries many a pensive tear; Tis not so sweet as a womans lip but a damned sight more sincere. Always a good one to bring up as a wedding toast. Happy birthday! 7.) Today, toasts are for parties, weddings, gatherings, and events. The third one ducked. Heres to friends and family who know us well but love us just the same! When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. 73.) An amnesiac walks into a bar. Friendship: May differences of opinion cement it! Loyal, willing and able. Ive got way too much blood in my alcohol system. 27.) Some ships are wooden ships. Cheers can also be just the simple act of clinking glasses before drinking. Remembering good St. Patrick, who by strategy and stealth, Drove all the snakes from Ireland. Q: What do Russians get when mixing Holy Water with Vodka? Best friends bring beer. Heres to you. 47.) May our children be blessed with rich parents. May the stay there be as enjoyable as the way there. 2.) A cop pulls him over. You had to go to a bar and buy endless drinks to be ignored by multiple women. The barman says, Have you been served?, 56.) I drank to your health so many times I nearly ruined my own. 30. 62.) Heres to women! Never underestimate the power you have to take your life in a new direction. 13. "The past is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift because it's the present." #8. Lets start with ten of our favorites. To work the easiest device man has invented to escape boredom. Yes, beer means many things to me. Best Funny Toasts Here's to that long straight piece in Tetris. Check it out now.Most of them are memorable but brief.funny toastcan be used on any occasion. If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and drink myself up. Irish toasts. The kindness you spread, keep returning to you. 72.) Best Inappropriate Toasts Ever Cheers to beers and legs behind your ears. or Getz II or the other bawdy miscellanies. Contact Us, here's to me,here's to you,may we never have reason to argue,but if we do,may we screw,till it's out of me and out of you. A guy walks into a bar, sits down and hears a small voice say, You look nice today. A few minutes later he again hears a small voice, Thats a nice shirt. The guy asks the bartender, Who is that? The bartender says, Those are the peanuts. Box of Puns is a media company that publishes the best and funniest puns, jokes, and riddles. Dirty toasts for St. Patrick's Day drunks. To hell: May the stay there be as fun as the way there. 39. Humorous birthday toasts. Heres to the three rings of marriage, the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. May we get to Heaven, a full half-hour before the devil knows yer dead. 27. A tennis ball walks into a bar. With these drinking quotes, you are settled for any occasion! Heres to all the days that end in Y. Funny birthday toasts are always in style. Some ships are wooden ships, but those ships may sink. I know I couldnt do it and I think its wonderful they can. -Englishman Charles, 6. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. May we get what we want, but never what we deserve. Tea lovers will enjoy these tea quotes and sayings. Another theory suggests that cheering originated to ward off evil spirits before consuming. Heres to health and prosperity, to you and all your posterity. And vodka makes you not remember any of that cr*p. Heres to staying positive and testing negative! May we learn from our mistakes, and may we make better, wiser choices in the new year. And them that doesnt drink with sincerity, that they may be damned for all eternity! A rich man lives in a castle, a poor man lives by the sea. Heres to It, And to It again. 22. You can entertain everyone while being witty and thoughtful. Gallery: 1/9. on 2015-09-11]. The following are funny toasts thatll make everyone laugh. The bartender said Sorry sir, we dont serve spirits here!, 49.) Treasures in life are many, dreams realized but few. Our mission is to deliver fresh and enjoyable content. 3. All glasses off the table! 10. 16.) Lucky for me, you make it easy since you are so lovable. May they never stop. #6. We asked Atlas . Better to be a well-known drunkard than an anonymous alcoholic. Heres to the people weve met and the people weve fucked and to those of us who have had no such luck. May we live to learn well, and learn to live well. Before we raise our glasses to the happy couple, Id like to make a toast to wives and lovers everywhere may they never, ever cross paths! May all your ups and downs be between the sheets. poke her in the butt, and you won't knock her up! Well explore them together for a life filled with love, joy, and fun. heres to you, heres to me, fuck the rest, . This is one nice toast to bring up at birthday parties. So lets get wasted all of the time, and have the time of our life. Heres to the floor. A guy walks into a bar and yells, "All lawyers are assholes.". Heres to a man after my own heart. All glasses off the table! When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. "I didn't order my own beer; my wife made me promise to give up drinking.". May life last as long as it is worth wearing. A toast is a sign of honor and goodwill. I would rather be with the people in this room than with the finest people I know. ; A (unique?) May your love last forever and be longer than the last sunset. For my best friend has won the best woman. -Julianne Potter, 5. Now let's get to drinking! Wouldnt that be a nice toast to one of your real friends? Life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life. Hops is a plant. Heres to alcohol, which often makes one see double and feel single. Heres to champagne for our real friends, and real pain to our sham friends. 92.) The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. 11. 2.) Here's to the breezes, That blow through the treeses, The lifts the skirts, Above the Kneeses, That shows the spot, That teases, pleases, and spreads diseases Oh Jesus! Heres to you! A Bachelorette Party Toast - To String. Wishing you more happiness than all my words can tell, not just for the holidays, but all the year as well. #7. The glass is brim. Heres to bread because, without bread, theres no toast. Thats unfortunate for these two! Luckily, I woke up, and I see that the world is just as it should be. Sure let me grab my license. Heres to your good health. Wise, kind, gentle, generous, sexy but enough about me. Top 10 best drinking jokes 1.) No retreat no surrender. The past wont mind. Thank you for buying us all dinner today. Looking for some fun party games to liven up your next get-together? The Irish are famous for their colorful sayings and quotes. "Here's to the beer we love to and the death we like to cheat. Therefore beer is salad. Now that's an oxymoron." Aaron Howard "If life gives you lemons, Add VODKA." Unknown 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. My favorite has to be: Heres to hell, hope my stay there is as fun as my way there, To the men over sees and to the women on their knees, Heres to two things I dont fuck with, rattle snakes and condoms, Heres to courage. Conditions of Heres to alcohol, the rose-colored glasses of life. When we drink, we get drunk. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Happy Birthday. By all means, marry; if you get a good wife, youll be happy. In that case, it is perfectly acceptable to thank the person for the toast without drinking. I dont! but just for you, I will.. Tomorrow is the first page of a new book. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Heres to it, and from it, and to it again, and if you dont do it when you get to it, you may never get to it to do it again! Alcohol may be a mans worst enemy, but the Bible says to love your enemy. Funny toasts are an excellent way to enhance any party or evening out. To Lasting Friendships This good Irish toast is perfect for a group of old friends together for a celebration. And mine is the last voice you hear. Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker. As you can see, there are many ways to give a toast. To the rapturous, wild, and ineffable pleasure Of drinking at somebody elses expense. 5. May the luck of the Irish Lead to happiest heights And the highway you travel Be lined with green lights. Little Johnny: then go fuck yourself. Everyone has their own path, fortunately mine leads to the liquor store. And damn your souls, Ill drink it. Answer (1 of 44): > To absent friends, lost loves, old gods, and the season of mists; and may each and every one of us always give the devil his due. From scatological oaths to Irish drinking songs about cuckold husbands. If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I'd swim to the bottom and drink myself up. Id like to say a little prayer for world peace. -Phil Connors. To those who have seen us at our best and at our worst, and still cant tell the difference. Damned for all eternity heaven accept you sir, we go to hell: may luck. & # x27 ; s to the three rings of marriage, the wedding ring, the ring. Best woman the kindness you spread, keep returning to you and your. For new year & # x27 ; s Day drunks a well-known drunkard than an anonymous alcoholic get what deserve! Be a fool his whole life long to say a little wine beer?. Travel be lined with green lights enemy, but all the year as well rather be the! 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